Are You In Recovery Mode or Relapse Mode?

relapse prevention

Definition of relapse: To fall back or revert to a former state, to regress after a period of recovery, to return to unproductive ways of thinking and behaving.

I am a recovered alcoholic.

In late summer of 2014 I spent 78 days in my first and only treatment center. Checking myself in to receive professional help was the best decision I ever made. I have my life back…Well, not really. I actually have a brand new life. One that I never imagined was possible. I am, for the first time ever, able to come to terms with who I am without feeling shame or regret. I guess you could say I sort of look at myself from “outside of myself” if that makes any sense. I don’t feel like addiction defines me. I look at it as an enemy, a thief who comes to trick me and rob me of every part of my life. In reality, everyone battles some sort of addiction. I entered treatment mainly because of alcohol, but without a real desire to get to the root of my problem I could simply switch to another, more acceptable, addiction and live my life in relapse mode for years, or decades…or forever.

But I decided I didn’t want to live that way.

I saw my own weird patterns of behavior so clearly while I was in treatment. When the alcohol was removed I would turn to other things to fill the gaping holes in my life. Read More