Warning: Adult language (guess you already noticed)
Okay, I will admit, I haven’t been myself lately. I have felt off, and anxious, and wavering in and out of trust in God’s purpose for my life and how it’s all playing out.
This wavering has stemmed from fear, as many things do.
Fear is bondage. It’s paralyzing. Read More
“I’m not going to cosign your bullshit.”
This is a sentence I’ve heard again and again in recovery circles.
“Give me your email and I will send you a video of her during activities today.”
“Okay. I’d like that,” I replied to the woman on the other end of the phone.
Why did I just say that?
What is happening.
What is happening.
I felt my throat closing.
I wasn’t really ready for this, but it was happening. I was going to receive a video of my mom.
My mom, who I haven’t seen for ten years.
I felt like I’d imagine a first-time skydiver would feel as they found themselves standing at that jump off point right before exiting the plane…asking, “How did I get here? I’m not ready for this. But I wanted to be here. But I’m still not ready.” Read More
Today is the first day of January.
It is day one of a new month and day one of a new year.
Day one always feels like a clean slate, doesn’t it?
Day one is pristine. It’s a blank page.
Day one is a virgin.
It’s full of hope and promise.
…until you fuck it up.
If you’ve ever fucked up a day one, this is dedicated to you.
Because you really didn’t do what you thought you did.
So I wrote this letter to myself a while ago and just found it. It made me happy/sad because I’m in a much different place now, but I felt compelled to share it. What I find profound about this is the prophetic timing of this letter considering the events that were about to unfold in my life.
I wrote that letter a week before I found my ex-boyfriend dead of a heroin overdose. It was also the last night I saw him alive. Read More
It’s weird. The things you will say to a complete stranger to sort of recap your life for them so you can build a connection. Last night I wrote this letter to a new friend who is currently in jail. We met by a divine appointment and I already love her. Her mom saw one of my Facebook posts about recovery and she contacted me. From there, we decided to start forming a relationship while she is still in jail, so I can help support and encourage her once she gets out.
Here is my second letter to my new friend. When I re-read it this morning, I was filled with a renewed sense of purpose to live out my calling….which is to live in community and help people in transition (early recovery right after treatment or directly out of jail) get grounded.
Getting grounded isn’t easy and early recovery is the time you need the most support. No one should ever be alone after treatment or right out of jail…ever.
I’m a 50 year old female who is an entrepreneur, a successful writer, a recovery advocate…and an all around bad-ass person.
I have purpose.
I am valuable.
God says so.
I also am a 50 year old female who wakes up almost every single morning of my life with the words, “Who the hell do you think you are?” playing in my inner narrative.
I don’t know why it’s there.
Sometimes I feel like a terrible bully is following me around 24/7.
Sometimes the bully is silent. He waits. He watches.
Is she feeling weak?
Is she unsure of herself?
He always looks for the right moment to present an unhealthy thought. Read More
Dear God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change….
But what are those things? How do I know if I’m copping out or if something is truly beyond change?
Am I supposed to give up my resistance believing that all things happen just as they should?
Is accepting things as they are the way to overcome?
Where is the balance?