So I wrote this letter to myself a while ago and just found it. It made me happy/sad because I’m in a much different place now, but I felt compelled to share it. What I find profound about this is the prophetic timing of this letter considering the events that were about to unfold in my life.
I wrote that letter a week before I found my ex-boyfriend dead of a heroin overdose. It was also the last night I saw him alive. Read More
It’s weird. The things you will say to a complete stranger to sort of recap your life for them so you can build a connection. Last night I wrote this letter to a new friend who is currently in jail. We met by a divine appointment and I already love her. Her mom saw one of my Facebook posts about recovery and she contacted me. From there, we decided to start forming a relationship while she is still in jail, so I can help support and encourage her once she gets out.
Here is my second letter to my new friend. When I re-read it this morning, I was filled with a renewed sense of purpose to live out my calling….which is to live in community and help people in transition (early recovery right after treatment or directly out of jail) get grounded.
Getting grounded isn’t easy and early recovery is the time you need the most support. No one should ever be alone after treatment or right out of jail…ever.
I always wished I were one of those kids who knew what to expect when they came home from school. They knew their parents were at work, or doing something normal like grocery shopping or relaxing. They could invite friends over without the unspoken anxiety of what they may walk in on.
But that wasn’t my life.
Instead, I was born into a family beaten down and held hostage by addiction, that would one day be ransomed and set free. Read More
Over 8.3 million children, nearly 12 percent of all children in the United States, live with a person in active addiction.
I’ve sat here at my computer staring at that statistic for hours.
I’ve thought of people I know, things I can’t unsee, and the pain of a close friend of mine who has wrestled with the frustration of forgiving her own father for years. Read More
1982 was a big year. ET and Fast Times at Ridgemont High were playing in theaters. Tickets cost $2.75. Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” was at the top of the charts, and John Belushi had died tragically of an overdose.
In the small mountain town of Logan, Utah a woman who was told she would never give birth, did just that.
She had a boy. Read More
On February 28th, 2011 I got the worst call of my life. It was 9:30 am.
I woke up to 63 missed calls…
The phone started to ring again. At first I thought I was in trouble for something, so I handed the phone to my girlfriend and told her to answer it. She did. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she must of heard something terrible and started to cry. Read More
I can remember walking out of the doors of Brighton Center for Recovery just having finished an inpatient stay. Here I was, day one of my new life. I was excited about the possibilities ahead, but at the same time, I certainly felt a level of anxiety.
What was I about to experience?
Would I continue to grow as a person?
Would I be able to maintain my recovery? Read More
That’s what it came down to. I think that’s what it comes down to for almost every alcoholic and addict. Held up in my bedroom with bottles hidden everywhere. Almost like an animal or someone possessed, I would become this other person when I was in the middle of a full blown binge. I’d lay in my bed for days on end, waking up just long enough to find a hidden resource and quickly drink enough to slip away from reality once again. Hours would turn into days as this sick cycle repeated itself again and again. Read More